But do they? I've been happily re-watching the 4th season of Better Call Saul in preparation for the 5th, and final season. Truly, Better Call Saul is better than Breaking Bad. Sublime, poignant and just top notch storytelling. Anyway, the last episode in season 4 is titled, Winner, and poor Jimmy McGill is anything but. Saul Goodman on the other hand, is well, a certain kind of winner. A self-made man that when confronted with the many obstacles of his sad, little life, becomes needed, necessary. And dressed in pink, or maybe it's more of a mauve, whatever - he becomes your guy when you run into trouble and consistently makes hay out of any drug-dealing, corrupt, and downright dangerous situation. The prepaid cell phone he sells you is already programmed with his number for god's sake.
All this winning watching got me thinking about my own lot in life, as it were. Lately, the ambiguity of it all allows me time to think about what. the. fuck. is. next. I signed up for voice lessons today, so that's something I suppose. Don't worry, not singing lessons, but I digress. I've talked to several friends about this middle ground I'm on, along with most other women in our age bracket, and here's the thing, or some kind of thing at least; no one is asking me to do anything. Not a damn thing. Other than work related requests, which I mostly enjoy, there's not a dang thing in my inbox. So what about this - because there's nothing in my inbox (and I mean that literally, too) - I could try to be grateful for the unfettered time on my hands, right? Time to think about what I want to do next, instead of, "Holy shit, what am I gonna do next," I get to do whatever I want. I mean literally, I can do whatever the hell I want. I answer to no one (except work, of course). Who gets that? I'm too old to answer to my parents, although I do care what they think of me, and while I may not answer to anyone, I do feel a sense of responsibility to lots of people. Instead of looking at this as an existential crisis, this is really just one more opportunity I have in my generally unburdened life, to do whatever I want. Really, the only thing we get to control are our thoughts, our next moves, and our choices. I'm going to try to choose fabulous over flummoxed and make some hay of my own, like Jimmy, or maybe Saul.
Could this be what the fabulous 50's are all about?
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